Jan Stemmett has kindly sent me what appears to be an authentic copy of a court order of the Kenton Circuit Court in the Commonwealth of Kentucky granted last month. The order records an agreement in a matter settled ‘amicably’. The judge states in a footnote that the word ‘amicably’ is used loosely. Given the hilarious remarks of the Judge it seems that the case would have been a very ‘trying’ experience.

Here are a couple of extracts.

Such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier that a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier that a one legged cat in a sand box and, frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines that have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory.

The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of the file to the Clerk’ office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of the said office.